he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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