Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize