how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
