he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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