He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
