"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
