I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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