I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
