he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
