You're so nebulous sometimes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
