butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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