Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
