There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
