You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
