All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize