My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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