I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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