She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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