You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
