Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
