I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
