I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
