well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
