normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
