I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
