ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
