You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
