i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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