the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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