we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize