who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
