ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
