If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wrigley field is MILF paradise
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
