Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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