How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
