No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
