If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize