it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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