can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How does one acquire holy water?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
