I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
