life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
