Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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