It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
