So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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