Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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