Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
