We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
