He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
