Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
