Small penises have feelings too.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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