He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
