If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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