Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
