Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wakey wakey hands off snakey
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize