Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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