it hurts more in the daytime
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
