oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
