so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We're too hungover to prance.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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