You made me cry and you don't even care
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
