Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
