I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
