THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
