I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
