I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
