If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
