We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
