I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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