is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
