a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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