I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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