I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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