But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
