I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
