I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
