well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
