We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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