So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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