how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
