They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
