I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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