Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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