This is not my ceiling
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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